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Wednesday, April 6, 2011

迷失了自己...

最近的我,心情很差。总会想独自一个人不想被骚扰还一直放飞机。

我迷失了以前的我。

在这想跟我的好友们说声对不起。
i hav no guts to tel u guyz face 2 face bcz im scared tat i wil cry again...
dun wan my eyes to be misted wf tears again..
dun wan u guyz 2 worry bout me anymore...


我也不懂最近的我是怎么一回事了。
听见你们全去kampar读utar,我心情变很复杂。
one part of me wanted u guyz 2 stay n the other part of me wanted u guyz to strive for ur future..
我没有理由因为想跟你们继续玩在一块而叫你们不要去读utar。
另一方面知道你们一大班快要走的消息,我真的很伤心。
感觉上现在好像只剩下我一个人。
想跟你们一块去那里读,可是以我现在家庭环境我根本做不到。我只能等,等government scholarship。
我很想很想跟你们一起读完大学毕业。
but dis dream is impossible for me right now..


i hav been alwys struggling 2 live a life without frenz..bcz frenz have been everything to me all this while..
cikgu aznida hav alwys reminded myslf nt 2 put 2 much of feelings into any relationships bcz 付出比较多感情的那一位会永远受比较大的伤害...
her words r proven true bcz im eally emo n sad now..im feeling as though d end of the world seeing each n every1 of u goin away..
i jz cant accpt d fact tat v wil be apart..
n tats y i hav been hiding myslf frm u guyz..
im sorry..


,对不起。忽列了你的感受...
我只是一直想跟你们每一个保持距离...
不跟你们出街或喝茶...
我以为这样等你们真真走了以后我才不会那么伤...
i didnt know tat dis will bring such big effect 2 u guyz especially xia..
请你原谅我的自私..我只是想跟你说不管怎样,
你对我来说是独一无二的ang夏..没有人可以取代你.
i can guarantee dis my dear...



朋友,
未来的我们会像现在那么要好吗?
未来的我们还会这么关心彼此吗?
未来的我们还会是彼此的好友吗?
这些问题有谁能给我一个肯定的答案?
我对我们的友情真的失去了信心。不是我不在乎你们,
不是我不信任你们而是我怕我一直最担心的事会发生。
请你们原谅我的幼稚思想...
可能真的习惯被你们每一个惯了...
变得不会独立长大...



im sorry..please forgive me
-foong-

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Silent = Surrender

gosh..~~~~~!!!!!



wat d hxxl wrong wf me..
y mz i b so sad 4 sum1 who nvr appreciate me as a fren..?!!
i had been keepin my mouth shut all d time bcz i dun tink there;s nid 4 me 2 spread our prob lik a bulll dog..
moreover..its a jz a prob

do u knw tat i nvr hated or blamed u b4 dis!!!
but i really hate u nw..do u knw??!!
y mz u do all dis kind of stuffs!?
u said u dun lik my characteristics at 1st.. so fine..i left everything away n acted lik a clown 2 suit myslf 2 u bcz all dis while i hav been thinking hw happy v were previously..wat makes us lik dis?
its u !!ur being too selfish..u cant accpt my weaknesses!!!
im nt GOD! even god does mistakes...
d comment tat i posted on FB wasnt 4 u at all!!! n u admitted it urslf n barked around lik an insane!! ok fine..i apologized 4 causing tat misunderstanding..n wat happened nxt..!
u left but u kept on spying on me by goin 2 FB 2 c my latest updated status !!!
and when u cant c,u thought tat i blocked u n so u removed me !!!
i thought tat u hate me ? den y muz u c my FB ? to gv urslf a chance 2 'dui hao ru zuo' lik d fight u had wf wen tang las year..u caused everything do u knw tat'..cant u jz wake up!!!im sick wf dis !!!


after realising tat u actually removed me as a fren, i kept my mouth shut..i didnt even say a word..but u !!!went and started another fire...
please lar..u r nt being rational so cut d crap n stop all dis nonsense...mayb u r 2 happy n blessed..bt dun mess up wf me!!!!
if u make me lose any1 of my dearest fren..trust me...i wil show u hw do i look when im really in a bad mood..!


i chose nt 2 tel any1 xcept cl bcz i dun wan our frenship 2 break but u r totally on d opposite site..!u made a very selfish decision 2 make our very small problm a HUGE prob!!!
im sorry xiashi yihang n others..i didnt mean 2 hid frm u guyz..bt i jz dun wan 2 make it a big prob...
plus..i tink i bothered u gyz 2 mch..xiashi has her new fren frm wong kok
yi hang has his frm NS...
chewling has jane n lcm...
wai foong is neutral - every1 is his fren..
wei bin has tguan n NS frenz..
bobo has SO MANY frenz...


and me - alone


i dun tink u guyz nid me anymore...so i tried 2 maintain a distance btwn us so tat i wouldnt b tat sad when wat i predicted happen..
im sad.

for xxx,
im really sorry if there is any misunderstanding btwn us..bt i beg u..jz let it go..dun torture urslf n d others jz 2 fight for sumthing whch is nothing actually..i really appreciate u as my fren..n i dun hope 2 stop dis frenship...
our stupid prob n hatred has brought our frenz a lot of sadness n plz let it go...
im sayin sorry here doesnt mean tat i admit wat u accussed me...bcz i hav done nothing...
im saying sori 2 sav our precious frenship..
im saying sori bcz i dun wan 2 c xiashi jane n fat chew sad...
im saying dis bcz i dun wanna shed my tears anymore...
really hope 2 b fren wf u again...



carson

Sunday, February 13, 2011

天气报告- (二)

二月十三日 - 晴天

好久没写了..哈哈还讲要天天写...没有那个毅力...
很懒咧...
好吧就一次过报告完我过年做了什么...
今年没有气氛,一点都没有 :( ...
时间过的超快的~没什么见到勇士们...
初三跟棱,航,啵啵,彬彬仔,明明去找洪夏...
本来听到夏去wongkok做真的有点担心...毕竟那么远咧...
可是一到那里看见夏的努力,夏的determination,我觉得我的死党好棒...
真不愧是洪夏 :〕
觉得自己应该再向夏多多学习...
回到外婆家有点不开心...大姨,四姨,小姨全部找接口离开不想在外婆家多留...怎么家里突然变的那样..想了很久...是从外公中风的那时后开始的...
什么时后外公变成了你们的负担...?有必要这么做吗..?过年回到家多留一回会少你们一块肉吗...?算了你们是大人我不能对你们没礼貌...我只好做好我身为孙子的本分在外婆家过夜多陪他们两天..给他们开心..外婆外公谢谢你们从小照顾我...你们并且比别的表弟表妹们更疼我..所以我会更疼你们...谢谢..

好啦报告完毕!!要去吃东西了现在在颖的家...有bbq哦!!!^^
下次再upload我们过年去玩的照片吧!!!olllla~

Monday, January 31, 2011

天气报告 - (一)

二月一号...阴天

打起精神重新写部落格...
之前都很想写可是又很懒...

过去的一个月让我成长了不少...自己独自在房里哭的时候也不少...
放慢脚步去看每件事才发现我的生命路程其实就只有我一个人...
一直好像是我自己把很多很多人当成好友...
原来有些并不喜欢我这样...他们并且觉得我很幼稚...

xxx,
其实即使你不说出口再笨的人都能sense到你对我的不满...
从帮你搞生日派对到现在我都feel到我跟你的交情不如以前了...
颖说咱们的性格是最大的问题...
她说我是于38派的,她是属于静派...所以当我笑的太大声或讲的太吵,她都会觉得我很烦,很丢脸...因为她觉得我没这个必要有那么大的反应...
可是不是说是朋友吗..?为什么我能容忍你有时候对着我脸臭臭,你就不能容忍我那么一点的小缺点?
这些我都能接受...我有很努力的去改可是看见你对我的态度依然没变让我觉得自己没必要那么委屈自己了...我很满意这样的我...我觉得跟朋友出到去就尽情的玩因为我不像你...即使那个人不把我看成好朋友,我也会很珍惜咱们之间的友情...

我可以容忍全部的全部,可是让我最痛心的是你当着我面前跟我说,叫我放弃喜欢melin因为我跟occ根本没得比..。.你是凭什么说我跟occ没得比..?对!!我不帅更是个娘娘腔...我自己也很清楚的知道melin是不可能接受我...所以只要跟她保持很好朋友的关系我也很满足了...
可是你!!难道我喜欢一个人有罪吗..?你为什么要这样说话..?、有这个必要吗..?你是否知道你在criticized我..?别人怎么说我也无所谓...可是你...我很重视我身边每一个朋友对我的看法!!!

真的对不起...因为我不是傻瓜,我也有我的感受...请你们理解我的感受号码..?
从来没什么要求,只希望你们能待在我身边支持我...









carson